i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
