He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
