The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
