i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
