dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
