thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
