My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
