Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
