It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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