i jhust puked up my retainher.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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