1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
