its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
