How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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