I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
