Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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