I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
