Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
