sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
