No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dear god my vagina.
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