He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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