Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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