I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
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I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
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We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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