im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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