but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
