Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
