burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
