I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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