dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
