the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
