you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
