Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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