Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
