I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
