get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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