I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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