omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I want a musical about memes.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
