Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
