Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
