he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
