I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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