he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
