Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
