I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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