I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
