my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
