tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
