You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
