Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
