So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
