I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so let's talk penis.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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