woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
