Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
soo... how was my night?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
