I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
