This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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