i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
