I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
