So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Shame - the story of my life.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
