I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
