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508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
