I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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