Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
