if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize