I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
