hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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