he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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