Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
