they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
