I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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