Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
