Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
